Headspace is a strange thing. although for most people knowing this term it is associated with bdsm, It certainly does nor have the exclusive rights on it. Many of my friends know this state of awareness. Either they know i from their BDSM Scenes, Or from their regression needs.
A while ago, knowing of a set of friends had making alts to be able to regress. Since I hough me and these friends drifted apart for a bit, I thought i might have been nice to make an alt too, and spend some time bonding. Sadly, I did not know that, while one of these persons was this alt, became mostly into headspace, trying to workout thing for himself. Me making ha a did no help him. I felt very sorry for this mis judgement, and made sure the alt i made would not be used again.
Another friend i have witch is or was also a friend of the persons i described above Also has Am alt o regress as a child (unlike some people state, non sexual ageplay never has been an issue in second life: It is and always has been legal by all North American and European laws, and is in compliance with Linden Labs TOS) Anyway, she plays a girl 4 / 6 year old, whos favorite pass time seems to be pranking people. And although some times her pranks miss fire. Lets say the bes investment for her seems to be a ‘corner time’ pose or a time out stool. For her, just like the person i mentioned earlier, being in hat al makes thing realisic. she gets in little space (roughly equal to headspace). Yet i know hat , in he end you can call her on to her adult self if you realy have enough of the pranks.
To make his a bit simpler, Lets call the person I made the mistake with “Person A’, His close friend and lover person B, The person being the little girl ‘person C’, and her parner in crime Person D (note hat i am none of the above, just friends to all of them),
2 Days ago now, this little girl C was quite bratty(together with girl D apparently) and maybe irritating towards Person A. And although she went possibly too far, Person A used a power witch I think is no done among friends. He banned person C. In first instance, I misunderstood Person A banned Person C from the complete sim, But this turned out to be ‘only’ for his land. And althoug, according to linden rules and sim policy, he is in his absoluter right, he question remains if you should do that to people you call friends.
For me, banning is a form of rejection, and not to be taken lightly, especially among friends. I is like kicking someone out of your house, a sure sign friendship is over. And although that can happen, I found Persons C behavior far from bad enough to do such a thing. So as soon as i knew Person A was online, I went to see him. No only on behalf of person C, who i know is quite capable of handling these kind of things when not in little space, But even more for myself, as to me i seemed like Person A is either
- rather careless with friendships
- underestimating bans, rejection and how I influences people
- unknowledgeable or accepting of the working of headspace of others
I am no saying he is, but those are he possibilities that came in mind. Anyway, I found this matter important enough, to go see person A right away. However I was kind of dissmised in a roleplaying way, this might have angered me about as much as the whole ban thing.
Added to this, Person B was there too, After missing Person A for several days,Person A and Person B had taken on some alts where they could have some intimacy. As reaction of me storming right in Person B reaced by taking away some rigths from. Normally, i would not have mind, if hat made him fel beer, but as an reaction to these events I hurt. And although up to some point I understand Person B’s reaction, I do think we have quite some different opinion on priorities/
I has been suggested to me that his baning was meant as ‘disciplinary action, much like a time out towards persons C and D. Bu hen, i would say person A should rehink his form of discipline, as it goes way beyond acceptable. Not only is he discipline of person C an D oo different, It shows short mindedness on how this kind of action is received by a person in headspace. Now I am not saying Person A is not allowed to make mistakes, or that he had to have i all right the firs time, But if his is the scenario, he certainly should evaluating his act.
Hi Duncan,
yes there was some real trouble yesterday. First of all, what you took as something so happy, the ban of C from the parcel (a ban that was revoked by person D shortly after that because they all have the same land rights) *I* see as an equivalent of a teenager locking his room door to an annoying little sibling. Therefore it was totally in the “limits” of the RP, as was the later (not really needed, because unbanned hours ago) “begging” to be allowed back. And I think both person C and D understood it that way, too. Person D whined to you about it – as a little kid would whine to his parents about not being treated nicely by the big brother.
When you raced in like you did, we were all deep into RP, there was no tension at all between us, we enjoyed what we did. In came a bulldozer, right into a skybox, killing all the mood and fun within a minute or two. No matter how important someone thinks a topic is: this ist just a big No-No. No matter how close you are friends with someone, you don’t run into a private moment like this. We were not at our beach, a more or less public place, we were in our private skybox. There are IMs and stuff like that. Yes, I took away your mapping rights last night, because maybe they are like an open invitation.
I don’t want to put all the blame on you. I was in a situation like you myself before, when I came online and was bombarded by IMs “ban him … unban me” and so on, I was afraid of something seriously happening just to learn later that they just had fun with each other. Therefore using parcel rights for RP is a double-edged sword. At that time I almost used my estate manager powers to take away parcel rights for both of them, out of the panic of not knowing what the hell was going on there. But I stopped myself at the very last moment and instead calmly found out what was going on. Please try to use that approach next time, okay?
A mix of not knowing everything and of people misunderstanding the intensions of each other put us all in a not so nice situation.
You of course are always welcome at our place – but please respect the privacy of skyboxes. We don’t use them often, and when we do we usually have a reason for that. I trust you, Duncan, and you have the mapping rights back as of now.
.:hugs:.
Danny
By: danielregenbogen on January 22, 2008
at 8:44 am
I will try to temper my anger more next time. just know that it was not meant as to disrupt your intimacy, that you happen to be in that state, rather was an unfortunate circumstance, in my eyes. I guess that i probably would have reacted less heavy, If person C would not have been that troubled by Person’s A’s actions that much.
For me, it was the reason to find it more important then the intimacy at the moment. Anger is a bad judge but a great motivator. I still think what i did was right. Blunt and untactful for sure, but right following my own reasoning values and norms.
I disagree on the vision of it being like a person locking his room, as more people who know person C lived there, and Person A effectively decided to act without consent of others, i would say it is more like kicking someone out your house. I guess having different perceptions of things is within human nature. At an event with X people, there are at least X+1 truths.
But all with all, i don’t think that what remains of the differences are worth spilling friendship… so…
:: HUGS ::
By: duncanrust on January 22, 2008
at 9:36 am